Friday, January 23, 2009

'snot nice

As I got on the Metro this morning, my nose ran a tad from having walked in the freezing cold. I didn't have a tissue, so I quickly used my fuzzy gloved hand to gently wipe away my runny nose. I'm not sick, just a minor leaky faucet situation. I looked around and many men and women were doing the same thing--I guess like me they didn't have tissues handy. Nobody really thinks about how disgusting it is to use your glove as a tissue, just a quick pass under you nose. I'm certain people don't wash the gloves daily. We're holding the same Metro poles, basically passing around other's tissues. Ugh! Yet, before today, I felt that my hands were protected from strangers' germs in the winter months, comfortably warmy inside my soft cable-knit Gap gloves. I think I may need to buy a pack of Kleenex and some hand sanitizer. I am also deeply sorry for my own actions. I will wash my gloves tonight.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

'Tis a Merry Land

Sometimes I think to myself on the walk home from the Metro, “I live in Silver Spring, Maryland.” How idyllic that must sound to those in ugly sounding cities such Munich or Helsinki. I wonder if they would think (to be said in a British accent), “Those Silver Springers, those Marylanders. Oh, what a gleeful folk they must be. Indeed, how they must frolic in the green pastures among the hobbits and picnic beneath cherry blossom trees all year round. I wish to one day visit that far off magical-sounding land.” Well, they can stay at my condo overlooking construction of two other condo buildings and have a picnic under our fake bamboo tree in my living room…

Friday, January 16, 2009

Yes, I'm Watching You

Location: Two blocks from work
Time: 8:23am
It was in single digits today with the wind chill factor. I had on my long coat, my knit hat, and my turtleneck sweater unrolled up covering my mouth and nose. Only my eyes were visible. A man and a woman chatted on the corner as we waited for the light to change. I could tell from their all-black suits and dapper black shoes that they were FBI agents. As we crossed the street, she headed left, he headed straight saying “I’m at headquarters today.” From amid all my wool, my eyes briefly me his. I narrowed my eyes at him, partly from the searing cold, but partly because I felt I could be undercover in my outfit. I wanted him to feel like I could possibly be spying on him, and I'd be letting my people know where he'd be working that day…

Winter seems to be the perfect season for DC pretend espionage.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Embrace Your Paste

Today was what I considered the first day of autumn, even though it has officially been so for over a week. It was in the low 40's this morning, I wore fall colors, bundled up a bit... Along my walk to the metro, I spotted a pantyhose-less woman in a skirt and her legs made me think to myself--from this day forward, no man, woman, or child can be pardoned for streaky, uneven fake tans. It's called Buy Yourself Some Opaque Tights.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Baked Alaska

I hopped in a cab at Reagan National Airport last week on my way home from a business trip. I told the driver my address and the best route--right off Alaska Ave. He turned around and said “No way, I don’t go that way.” I thought “what the F?, taxis have to drive you anywhere in DC from the airport." I asked him why not. He said “I don’t want to go anywhere near Palin territory.” We both laughed, and I gave him a big tip at the end.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Sittin' on a Pretty Penny?

A random solo duck had built a nest in a corner along one side of the IRS building (see co-worker's photo)—on the last block on my walk to work. So I was told by IRS workers exiting the building one day, she was just sitting on her eggs waiting for them to hatch. (I actually never saw an egg poking out, fyi...) I rather enjoyed seeing her there daily, never in a different spot each morning.
Well, a few days ago, as I neared her spot, I peered around the corner, and she was gone! Nothing left but the nest! Suspiciously there were no broken egg shells... I’m thinking she was just camping out in front of the IRS building until she received her $600 stimulus check then took off to Pentagon City Mall.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

If the Shoe Fits

I have a theory that people with the least manicured (well, I guess least pedicured) feet belong to people who keep them so unattractive as a sort of advertisement of their eco-friendliness. It’s sort of an in your face way for that person to show that he or she is “green” and therefore "cool".
Trimmed, pink-painted toes, exfoliated and tea-tree moisturized footsies in strappy heels=I felt bad about tossing a plastic soda bottle into the trash, but man that taco bell burrito was tasty...
Unclipped gnarly toe nails (with the second toe that always seems to be a foot longer than the big toe?!) and hairy feet that seem to have permanently fused with the barley-colored vegan flat sandals=I bike 40 miles each way to work in my hemp fabric clothing, eat fair-trade couscous for lunch, and I think anyone who doesn’t is a jerk...
I’d prefer these granolas just put their beliefs on a t-shirt.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Father Knows Best

Okay, so now I’m really torn. Around the corner from my usual kind woman soda vendor is a sweet man vendor. I’ve been heading down his block before work to hit up my bank, and so I’ve been buying sodas from him lately. At first I felt kind of guilty—I told myself, “I should go out of my way to go down the block and buy my sodas from the woman that always remembers me and my cola caffeine preference and greets me with a warm smile!” But, my new soda vendor remembered me after only a day or so. He even stopped me from grabbing regular pepsi’s instead of my usual diets—just like sweet lady vendor. He even upped the ante this week—he put a few mints in my plastic bag and sent me on my way saying “See you, sister.” Then today, he asked how I was doing, and I said I was frazzled because I was running late. Without a word, he put two lollipops in my plastic bag with my sodas and said “See you tomorrow.” I feel like I’m in a custody battle between my mom and dad here. Who do I choose?!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Agua, Por Favor!

With a heat index in the triple digits today, I struggled during my ten minute walk from work to the gym, carrying my gym bag and huge purse full of daily essentials. Already sweating five minutes in, I started to climb the last block (which, okay, has maybe a 2% incline) and became overwhelmed with thirst. I wasn't sure I could make it the last leg without a stop at Micky D's for a grande fountain diet coke. As I waited to cross the street, I glanced down and saw a teeny bird swoop down. I immediately felt at one with nature when the bird resorted to lapping up some dirty stagnant street water than had collected in a crack in the pavement. As gross as it seems, I sympathized with that bird and felt a bit jealous as he refreshed himself. Man it was that toasty...
(This blog entry is dedicated to my loyal reader Doodle, who believes I can regain creativity after my June hell month at work...)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Brain Drain

I've been working like a dog for the past few weeks, and it's amazing how working with spreadsheets ten hours a day, six days a week, can really fry your right side of your brain. I mean, I haven't had a creative thought in my head to post here since crunch time at work began. I even forgot my username AND password to log into my blog.

Probably the most creative thing I've been doing is deciding whether or not to toast my bagel before the morning meetings. I really hope my condition isn't permanent, or this will be my last post for a while...

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Less is More

On my way home from work after throwing out my back (ouch!), I passed by this corner restaurant that has an insane number of chalkboard signs displaying their 'specials.' There's hardly any room on the sidewalk to maneuver around them. Seems to me that each desperate sign is another reason not to dine at this establishment.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I’m Ready for an Upgrade

Regular-sized umbrellas are extremely stress-inducing.
They do not keep you dry in really rainy weather—perhaps just the very top of your head.
The raindrops collect and roll off of the edges into rivers that pour onto your clothes—making you wetter even faster than just the raindrops would.
They are never flip-inside-out proof, no matter how much you spent for them.
I’m convinced they could only keep you 100% dry in light rain that falls straight down on a completely windless day—a rare weather phenomenon.

Before today, I thought people walking with those gigantic family-of-four-sized umbrellas were annoying—huge purposeless SUVs of the sidewalk. Now I think those folks are smart and dry. I’m stuck with damp pants all day and an umbrella that conveniently fits in my purse.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Department of Manure

I walk pass the Department of Agriculture everyday, and I swear, every week or so, there are freshly planted flowers and shrubbery out front. Wouldn't you think, if anyone in the entire US could keep a garden alive, it would be the folks working at the Department of freaking Agriculture?! I think even I could do a better job--and I've somehow managed to kill an aloe plant in record time.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A Feminine Touch

Whenever it’s rainy like today, I get a kick out of seeing the FBI agents hurry into the Hoover Building carrying girly-print umbrellas. Perhaps their wives grabbed their neutral colored umbrella in the morning? Whatever the case, these perfectly groomed G-Men in their dark suits and trench coats seem much less intimidating…

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Woe Is Me

Does anyone else feel a little hurt when you sneeze and no one around you says "bless you"? It's strange because I don't really feel the need to be verbally blessed by complete strangers, but when no one says it to me, I feel a tad insulted and a little self-conscious, like the strangers think I'm too un-holy for a "bless you"... How could they possibly know what I did in college?

Monday, May 5, 2008

Sorry, Another Crosswalk Post

Why does the pedestrian lighted crosswalk sign abruptly change from "Walk" to "Stop"? I mean, are you supposed to just stop dead in your tracks in the middle of the crosswalk and wait to get hit? Shouldn't the sign first say "Hurry your ass up!" before just saying "Stop"?

Friday, May 2, 2008

Wool or Linen Today?

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) headquarters are located right near my Metro stop. Lately, I’ve been questioning how certain people got jobs there. Yes, the spring weather has been finicky lately, but how come on a really hot and humid day last week I saw an NOAA employee in full winter gear—coat, knit hat, gloves…? I was practically sweating in my jeans and a t-shirt. Then a couple days ago, on a just-above freezing morning, I saw an NOAA employee in a short skirt and flip-flops, hurrying to get inside the warmth of the building. Do these people not know that the NOAA runs the National Weather Service? Couldn’t they have at least turned on Al Roker for a second in the morning before dressing? As employees, shouldn’t it be part of their job descriptions to dress according to the weather?

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


You can tell DC is a mix of New York City and someplace like Savannah, GA because half the pedestrians politely wait on the curb for the green crosswalk light and half impatiently dash through speeding traffic. I am one of the latter.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Public Pet Peeve

Thought from yesterday’s commute after a lady smushed down right next to me with her giant stash of makeup:
It really grosses me out when someone sits right beside you (or anywhere near you for that matter) on the Metro and proceeds to apply full makeup—foundation, eyeliner, mascara?! Ewww— inches from my own face?? I feel icky like I’m trapped in their bathroom with them while they floss their teeth and trim nose hairs. To me, anything more than applying lipstick is not commute-kosher.

Monday, April 28, 2008

No Case of the Mondays for Me!

Okay, so we all know Monday’s suck. They especially suck when the weather is dreary and drizzly. This morning I decided to step out into the world with a positive attitude—stop and smell the roses. In my case, it was stop and take pics of the flowers on the way to the metro with my cute pic camera (thanks, beau). The potted flowers looked so pretty with the raindrops. I also decided, hey, don’t rush, let that crowded train go buy and wait a couple minutes for an empty one. Getting off at Metro Center, I thought, hey, take a different walking route on the way to the office. And guess who around the corner to greet me…the Pope. Well, a wax sculpture of him at least. So what I was 15 minutes later than usual to work?