Monday, May 12, 2008

I’m Ready for an Upgrade


Regular-sized umbrellas are extremely stress-inducing.
They do not keep you dry in really rainy weather—perhaps just the very top of your head.
The raindrops collect and roll off of the edges into rivers that pour onto your clothes—making you wetter even faster than just the raindrops would.
They are never flip-inside-out proof, no matter how much you spent for them.
I’m convinced they could only keep you 100% dry in light rain that falls straight down on a completely windless day—a rare weather phenomenon.

Before today, I thought people walking with those gigantic family-of-four-sized umbrellas were annoying—huge purposeless SUVs of the sidewalk. Now I think those folks are smart and dry. I’m stuck with damp pants all day and an umbrella that conveniently fits in my purse.

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